kindness meditation: “… {can help} build a heart of kindness and then extend that to others … ” … “… {is} more than just calming the mind. It’s also about cultivating an atmosphere of warmth and positive regard—for yourself, for others …” ~ nico (& devon) hase

 

Worldwide, we are experiencing unprecedented, extreme weather patterns … ever increasing divisiveness … explosion of disinformation … social media filled with more hate than not … tribalism on the rise so much so that differing perspectives are unable to “come to the table” … it all seems unmanageable with far reaching – and deeply troubling impacts and implications … and … of course, this collective phenomenon is being experienced at an individual level too …

It would not be hyperbole to say it is …. a hot mess!

So … how do we navigate daily life in this ongoing and seemingly endless chaos or … hot mess ? …

Many luminaries – across time and traditions – suggest that kindness is ONE of the key answers:

H. H. The Dalai Lama says “… Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible …” … or his other, even more, pertinent words: “… Right from the moment of our birth, we are under the care and kindness of our parents; later in life, when facing the sufferings of disease and old age, we are again dependent on the kindness of others. If at the beginning and end of our lives we depend upon others’ kindness, why then in the middle, when we have the opportunity, should we not act kindly toward others? …” …

Einstein said: “The ideals which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth.” …

Peter Russell says kindness is “… The Golden Rule found at the heart of the world’s spiritual traditions …”

Aldous Huxley says: “After 45 years of research & study, the best advice I can give is to be a little kinder.” …

Our own view is there can never be enough kindness …  just like there is never too much gratitude …

The list goes on …

So today we offer …

… a simple, relatable, and applicable to everyday life  … gem to cultivate kindness … which happens to be one of the “… six life-changing rules to manage the stresses of modern life—from two seasoned practitioners – Nico and Devon Hase – who have both been there and done the work …”

The Hases co-authored their first book, How Not to Be a Hot Mess: A Survival Guide for Modern Life, which distills their decades of buddhist practice “… in a way our not-so-Buddhist friends would understand. …”  …

The book – steeped in humor with everyday real life challenges and stories – offers “… semi-Buddhist advice to keep you anchored and steady amidst the chaos of modern life …” …

The six guiding principles are:  Meditate, Don’t Be a Jerk (… or kindness), Give a Little (… or generosity), Say What’s True, Make Sex Good, and Stay Clear

This post provides a substantive preview of the book via excerpts from the chapter Don’t be a Jerk … specifically the sub-chapters on the kindness meditation and its benefits …

Buddhist activist and scholar Rhonda Magee wrote the Foreword – accessible via the Look Inside link on its Shambhala page … which also includes the Introduction by the authors – both are excellent “stage setting” for what follows.

This post is part of our ongoing Shambhala Publications series that offers substantive previews of selections from Shambhala Publications new and classic titles …

All italicized text here is adapted from HOW NOT TO BE A HOT MESS: A Buddhist Survival Guide for Modern Life by nico hase, devon hase, © 2020 by Craig Hase and Devon Hase. Foreword © 2023 by Rhonda V. Magee. This edition published 2023. Reprinted in arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc. Boulder, CO.

You can purchase the book at Shambhala Publications or Amazon.

A Little Meditation – KINDNESS

You can do this meditation in five minutes, if you’d like. I first started doing these kindness meditations years ago when I was living in the monastery. At first it was hard for me to get a feel for them, but as I kept inclining the mind toward kindness, I noticed parts of myself softening, the voice in my head easing up. I definitely recommend this meditation to anybody who could use a little more kindness in their life. And that’s pretty much all of us.

As always, let’s start by finding a comfortable posture, either sitting or lying down. Obviously if you’re reading this book, it’ll be hard to close your eyes. So you can keep them open. Or read a few sentences and then close your eyes. Then read a few more. Up to you. Whatever you do, you’ll want to just relax. Don’t worry too much about whether you’re doing it right. Don’t worry too much about being a great meditator. In fact, just don’t worry too much.

Now let’s bring a warm awareness to your body. Just feel your body. With a sense of friendliness, a sort of grassroots kindness. Feel your hands. Feel your feet.

Then bring that warm awareness to the area of your heart. Notice any sensations in the heart area—throbbing, humming, tingling, numb, whatever. Also, start to notice any emotions that might be here, in the heart. Just kind of take the temperature. Get a sense of things.

One important point: You don’t need to get rid of anything, don’t need to feel differently or better. If you’re numb,you’re numb. No problem. If you’re sad, that’s how it is.

Angry? That’s okay, too.

And often we’re a whole bunch of things all at once. Which is also not a problem.

Now from this sense of the heart—of just being with your heart—let’s call up an image of a good friend. Someone you like. Someone that’s easy for you. They’ve got your back. Sure, they tick you off every once in a while. But essentially it’s a good relationship—all in all, you want them to be happy, and you want to contribute to that.

Got an image? Great.

Now let’s lean a little into this sense that your friend wants to be happy. Just like you, just like everybody, he or she or they really want to be happy. They want to be safe. They want to be healthy. They’d like some peace. See if you can get a sense of that for them. And now let’s just begin to wish them well, using some traditional phrases.

May you be safe.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be peaceful and at ease.

Just continue thinking about your friend, repeating these phrases silently to yourself. And maybe after some time, you can imagine your friend filling up with happiness. Imagine your friend getting lighter. Imagine your friend getting happier. Imagine them smiling. Filled with joy.

Nice job. You’ve completed a kindness meditation. It’s great to start with a friend when you do this at first, somebody who’s pretty easy for you. Once you get the hang of that, though, it can be really helpful to bring this same kindness, this wishing well, to yourself. May I be safe, may I be happy, etc. Then you can extend that general caring out to people you don’t know so well, and even to people you don’t like so much, and then to everyone, everywhere, without exception.

THE BENEFITS OF KINDNESS MEDITATION

Now that you’ve done some, I’ll throw in a little pitch for kindness meditation. Because there’s actually quite a bit of research on it. And what we know is that, when practiced with a qualified instructor over a period of six or eight weeks, this type of meditation can lead to an increased sense of social connection, improvements in overall mood, increased sense of purpose in life, reductions in depression, and even, as mentioned in the previous chapter, decreases in implicit bias. So kindness meditation is a powerful practice, and one that can really change your experience of others.

Here’s a quick story on that count.

I’ve finished my PhD now, thank god. But it was a long, difficult process, filled, at least for me, with unexpected turbulence, twists and turns, interpersonal difficulties, departmental dramas, and all the rest.

Things kind of peaked in the third year of my program in counseling psychology at the University of Wisconsin–Madison. Early on in the program I’d made some dumb mistakes, had kind of kicked the hornet’s nest of the bureaucracy, and things had begun to spin out before I got my head on straight and learned the ropes. So there was damage, and mostly in my feeling about the program. Unlike my master’s program, where I’d felt incredibly supported and welcomed, I didn’t feel I fit in too sweetly with the swing of things in my PhD program.

Right around my low point—year three, spring—my department hosted a brilliant, famous psychotherapist for a daylong workshop. When I walked in, it was the same old feeling—anxiety, out-of-placeness, a sense that people were kind of looking at me funny. Call it paranoia. Or a bad case of the jitters. It was unpleasant. I sat with that for the first few hours of the workshop. Then we broke for lunch and I rode my bike across campus to teach kindness meditation at the School of Veterinary Medicine. I taught a class to students first, then a class to faculty, then I rode my bike back to the workshop.

When I walked in, lunch was just ending. People were milling about, getting ready to take their seats. First one person said hi to me. Then another person said hi to me. It seemed that everyone in the room was smiling—and half of them appeared to be smiling, kind of beatifically, at me.

Wow, I thought to myself initially, they must have had a great lunch. But no. They’d had the same Qdoba spread the department always serves.

And then it struck me. Nothing had changed. Except me. I had just spent a couple hours teaching kindness to vets. And it had rubbed off. I was seeing the world through kindness-tinted lenses. And it was beautiful.

~ nico hase

Stay tuned for more substantive previews of other books (both new and classic) in this ongoing Shambhala Publications series …

All italicized text here is adapted from HOW NOT TO BE A HOT MESS: A Buddhist Survival Guide for Modern Life by nico hase, devon hase, © 2020 by Craig Hase and Devon Hase. Foreword © 2023 by Rhonda V. Magee. This edition published 2023. Reprinted in arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc. Boulder, CO.

You can purchase the book at Shambhala Publications or Amazon.

 

And, may you cultivate …  kindness  …  in your everyday life … and …

May you remain safe and healthy.

H. H. The Dalai Lama, Einstein, Peter Russell, & Aldous Huxley quotes from our post Kindness & Compassion. All other italicized text is from nico & devon’s book and is included here with Shambhala Publications permission.

Images (edited & Logo added): Header: Annapurna mountains by saiko3p, 1 & Featured) Kitten lying on dogs head by vvvita, 2) & 3) Nico & Devon Hase images from Shambhala, 4) HOW NOT TO BE A HOT MESS: A Buddhist Survival Guide for Modern Life cover image from Shambhala. 5 & 6) Shambhala Publications logo. All images (except ones from Shambhala Publications) purchased from depositphotos or 123rf. All are for use only on our website/social channels (these images are not permitted to be shared separate from this post). 2, 3, 5 & 6) generously provided by Shambhala Publications with permission to be used on our website and other digital assets.