deep listening: “… Everything you are seeking, you should seek in the present moment …” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Being here and now … being present to this moment – the only moment that ever is … these phrases arguably offer the key peace and happiness.
And being here starts with a single breath!
Melvin McLeod (Editor in chief of Lion’s Roar) underscores this: “… “Breathing in, I know I am breathing in.” In this simple statement is the essence of Buddhist practice. You can build a satisfying and fruitful life on it. You can help yourself and others. You can experience the world as pure and joyful …”
Those are Melvin’s words from his Editor’s Preface of Thich Nhat Hanh’s recent book You are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment.
Melvin goes on to add:
“… In this book you will discover how far this simple act of mindfulness can take you. Guided by the great Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh, you will learn how Buddhist meditation will help you to harness your natural insight, wisdom, and compassion, and so transform your life and benefit those around you …” … and … “…Thich Nhat Hanh shows us how the path of mindfulness and insight can wake us from the corpse-like state of self-absorption, heal our emotional wounds and improve our relationships with others, connect us with love and wonder to this beautiful universe in which we live …”
So, today we’ll take a mini dive into Thay’s wisdom via a substantive preview of this book … through the sub-chapter: Deep Listening … which is the “… fourth training for mindfulness …”
And, per Thay “… The Five Mindfulness Trainings were developed during the time of the Buddha to be the foundation of practice for the entire practice community, including monastic and lay members. The basis for the trainings is mindfulness. The Five Mindfulness Trainings protect our freedom and make life beautiful. As guidelines for our daily lives, they are the basis of happiness for individuals, couples, families, and society …”
In this book, Thay covers topics like Happiness and Peace Are Possible, Practicing Skillfully with Our Past, Healing Our wounds and Pain, Cultivating True Love, The Essence of Buddha’s Teaching, and Becoming Truly Alive.
This post is part of our ongoing Shambhala Publications series that offers substantive previews of selections from Shambhala Publications new and classic titles …
All italicized text here is adapted from You Are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment by Thich Nhat Hanh, © 2001 Éditions Dangles, Saint-Jean-de-Braye (France) and © 2001 by Unified Buddhist Church, Inc. Originally published in French under the title Toucher la vie. Published by arrangement with the Unified Buddhist Church, Inc., 2496 Melru Lane, Escondido, CA 92026. English translation © 2009 by Shambhala Publications, Inc. This edition published in 2023. Reprinted in arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc. Boulder, CO.
You can purchase the book at Shambhala Publications or Amazon.
Deep Listening
There is a being called Avalokiteshvara. He is a bodhisattva, a remarkable being whose characteristic feature is his ability to listen. He practices deep, compassionate listening. The fourth training of mindfulness is this practice of compassionate listening.
Listening is an art we must cultivate. First you have to be able to listen to yourself before you can listen to someone else. You must not run away from yourself, but rather be very compassionate toward yourself. The practice of mindfulness will generate the compassion you need to cradle your own pain and suffering. Then, when you begin to understand and love yourself, you are ready to understand and love another person.
There is pain and suffering in the other person. They should have the chance to express it, and you can transform yourself into a bodhisattva in order to listen. Knowing how to listen requires patience and compassion, and fortunately, we can train ourselves in this. As I have said, you should not try anything before you feel sure that some freshness and compassion have arisen in you. Even a few days of practice will begin to establish compassion and understanding in your heart.
The practice of deep listening consists of keeping compassion alive in your heart the whole time that you are listening. You do not listen in order to judge, criticize, or evaluate. You listen for one reason alone: to offer the other person a chance to express him- or herself. That person is going to say things that irritate you. He or she might express disapproval of you, heap blame on you, say things that are false. You have to be ready to listen to anything. You have to say to yourself, “I’m listening to this person not to criticize or judge him. I’m listening to give him a chance to express himself, to provide him with some relief—that’s all.”
This is called compassionate listening. If you keep this intention alive in your heart, you will act as a bodhisattva. Practice mindfulness of the breath the whole time you are listening, and maintain this intention: “I am listening in order to make it possible for her to suffer less.” If you can do that, then her negative words will not affect you. What she says might be wrong, it might be sarcastic, it might be intended to hurt you or to put you at fault; but as long as compassion is alive in you, you are immunized against suffering, and that is a wonderful thing.
This has always been true for me. When you are able to keep compassion alive in you, you do not suffer anymore. You see that the person you are listening to is suffering very much with his wrong perceptions, anger, and confusion, and that what he is saying is coming out of his pain. You yourself are not affected, because compassion continues to fill you. This compassion is the fruit of the understanding that comes from the practice of mindfulness and deep looking.
In Buddhism, it is said that love and compassion are made out of one substance, which is called understanding. If you understand, you can love. But if understanding is not there, it is impossible for you to accept and love someone. Why did he act that way? Why did he say those things? You should look deeply into these questions, and then you will see the causes of what you are dealing with. With this understanding, you stop blaming and criticizing. Your compassion is born of your understanding of the situation.
For instance, a girl who was sexually abused by her father has suffered a great deal. If she is very reactive later on, if she says things that are not completely normal, it is because she was abused during her childhood. If you can understand that, you will stop taking a critical view of her. “She has suffered so much,” you will say. “I should help her, I should not be critical of her”; and compassion will fill you because understanding is there.
Deep looking directed toward the other person is what will bring you understanding. “Poor thing, he suffered so much as a child. He was mistreated by society, even by his own parents. He needs help.” With this understanding, compassion begins to be aroused, and with this compassion alive in you, you can practice deep listening.
A good psychotherapist knows how to listen. In fact, all psychotherapists should regard Avalokiteshvara as a model. Avalokiteshvara is an excellent listener. He knows how to listen with a great deal of compassion. Some psychotherapists suffer so much themselves that they are unable to really listen to the suffering of the other person. Deep and compassionate listening is important training for psychotherapists and for all of us.
In order to help another person suffer less and to provide him or her with some relief, you have to behave like a bodhisattva of compassionate listening. With training in mindfulness, you will be able to do this. I am sure of this because I have confidence in the Buddha that is in you. The Buddha is always in you. You only need to bring him out, to provide him the opportunity to manifest. The Buddha appears in anyone who is enlightened, and the substance of enlightenment is mindfulness.
I remember once when a group of us was listening to a woman speak about her life. Most of us were monks. When the woman was a little girl, she had been abused by her father and her brother. Then she had been sold into the sex industry. You cannot imagine the depth of her pain. There were eight of us listening, but at a certain point she was unable to continue with her story. She sat there immobilized. Her pain had increased until it reached the point where it blocked her speech. We were all trying to be there for her with deep and compassionate breathing. We stayed like that for forty minutes. It was only after this long time that she was able to speak to us again. This shows that deep listening is possible. There are people who have suffered so much that they are not capable of expressing themselves, so we need to practice compassionate listening to give them the opportunity to do so.
We can all act like the Bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara and listen to other people. You actually could be the best psychotherapist for the person you love, because you know him better than anyone. To do that, you have to take a fresh look at your view of him and look deeply at the situation.
There is a lot that needs to be done in society—work against war, social injustice, and so on. But first we have to come back to our own territory and make sure that peace and harmony are reigning there. Until we do that, we can- not do anything for society. Let us begin immediately.
What I recommend for all of us is to come back to ourselves and take care of the little boy or the little girl who inhabits the depths of our wounded souls. Then we will be calmer, more understanding and loving, and the environment will begin to change. Other people will benefit from our presence, and we will be able to influence them and our society.
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Stay tuned for more substantive previews of other books (both new and classic) in this ongoing Shambhala Publications series …
All italicized text here is adapted from You Are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment by Thich Nhat Hanh, © 2001 Éditions Dangles, Saint-Jean-de-Braye (France) and © 2001 by Unified Buddhist Church, Inc. Originally published in French under the title Toucher la vie. Published by arrangement with the Unified Buddhist Church, Inc., 2496 Melru Lane, Escondido, CA 92026. English translation © 2009 by Shambhala Publications, Inc. This edition published in 2023. Reprinted in arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc. Boulder, CO.You can purchase the book at Shambhala Publications or Amazon.
And, may you practice … deep listening … in your everyday life … and …
May you remain safe and healthy.
Images (edited & Logo added): Header: Annapurna mountains by saiko3p, 1 & Featured) Sunrise view of a Medieval street in Spanish village Sos del Rey Catolico by Dudlajzov, 2) You Are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment cover image from Shambhala, 4) Resplendent Quetzal, Pharomachrus mocinno, from Savegre in Costa Rica with blurred green forest in background. Magnificent sacred green and red bird. Detail forest hidden of Resplendent Quetzal by OndrejProsicky, 5) Attentive doctor listening to man during consultation in hospital by ,AntonLozovoy, 6) Two human compassion empathy love heart understanding abstract art watercolor painting illustration design drawing cartoon symbol positive emotion by february.boxroom@gmail.com, 7) Bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara, Asian Art Museum of San Francisco, Wikimedia Commons, CC BY SA 2.0. 3 & 8) Shambhala Publications logo. All images (except ones from Shambhala Publications) purchased from depositphotos or 123rf. All are for use only on our website/social channels (these images are not permitted to be shared separate from this post). 2, 3, & 8) generously provided by Shambhala Publications with permission to be used on our website and other digital assets.
